maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
