sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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