idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
