I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize