Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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