Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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