Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
