i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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