I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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