Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
