im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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