and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
