Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I FOUND THE LEGS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
