He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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