Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
