....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's on the porch naked. Help.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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