Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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