Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
