YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
