You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize