she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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