Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
