Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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