i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
