I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
