Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
two words: eviction party
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i believe in u and ur pee
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