Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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