At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My ATM looks so different sober.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
