is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
