So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
