i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
