my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
