dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
