I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
