he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he fucked my hip out of place.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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