dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I will die if light touches me.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
