I look better un-naked...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
