I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
