I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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