good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
