i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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