The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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