if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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