when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
