I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
