Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
