I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
