just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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