Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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