What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
