I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
