Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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