I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Need sex. Gaining weight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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