If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize