My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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