i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
