my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
