Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
