My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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