I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
