She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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